Actually, it's not that much of a secret. As you probably noticed, I begin most of my WebPages with a quote. That little gimmick gives you folks something to read as my WebPage's graphics download. My problem us that, after a while, I cannot remember what quotes I used and on which WebPages they are. This section is here to assist my faltering memory.
Main Page:
"An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations."
- Charles de Montesquieu (1689-1755), French jurist, philosopher
Catacombs of the Dead E-Mail - Part 1:
"What we got here: A failure to communicate."
- from the film Cool Hand Luke (1967)
Catacombs of the Dead E-Mail - Part 2:
"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."
- Norman Vincent Peale (1893-1993), American evangelist, author
Catacombs of the Dead E-Mail - Part 3:
"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush (1924-?), American President
Catacombs of the Dead E-Mail - Part 4:
"There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror."
- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), British novelist
Catacombs of the Dead E-Mail - Part 5:
"I've played so many hookers, they don't pay me in the regular way anymore. They leave it on the dresser."
- Shirley MacLaine, (1934-?) American actress, author
Catacombs of the Dead E-Mail - Part 6:
"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity."
- Christopher Morley (1890-1957), American writer
My Philosophy - Index:
"One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve. Politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why why, why... LUCK! Blind stupid simple doo-dah clueless luck!"
- from the movie Batman Forever (1995)
My Philosophy - The Tales:
"Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile, I caught hell for."
- Earl Warren (1891-1974), Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court
My Philosophy - Me, The Writer:
"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."
- Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910), American author
My Philosophy - WebSite Questions:
"Anyone can make the simple complicated. Creativity is making the complicated simple."
- Charlie Mingus (1922-1972), American jazz musician
My Philosophy - Un-Memberships & Other Worthless Garbage:
"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -- after they've tried everything else."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965), British Prime Minister, author
A Bone To Pick:
"People hear that I am a horror writer and they think that I must be a monster. But actually I have the heart of a small child. I keep it in a jar on my desk."
- Robert Bloch, American novelist, author of Psycho
The Little Spaceship That Couldn't:
I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.
- Steven Wright (1955-?), American comedian
Not Stalking Madonna - Part 1:
Straight Man: What do you like in that woman?
Comic: My penis.
...old burlesque routine
Not Stalking Madonna - Part 2:
"There will be sex after death - We just won't be able to feel it."
- Lily Tomlin (1939-?), American humorist
Not Stalking Madonna - Part 3:
"A woman can't make a living just being a blonde... although I've heard of a few who have."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977), American humorist
Not Stalking Madonna - Part 4:
"I like children. Girl children. Between the ages of eighteen and twenty."
- W.C. Fields (1880-1946), American comedian, actor
Not Stalking Madonna - Part 5:
"I'm fighting for this woman's honor... which is more than she ever did."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977), American humorist
Not Stalking Madonna - Part 6:
As a man drove down the street, his date said to him, "Did you know I was a witch?"
"Really?"
"Yes. With a few words, I can transform objects into other things."
"Do it."
So she whispered something provocative into his ear and the man's car turned into a motel.
- old joke
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 1:
"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
- Matt Groening, American cartoonist
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 2:
"Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it."
- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1065), English author
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 3:
"Tell me what company you keep and I'll tell you what you are."
- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616), Spanish novelist, poet
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 4:
"Dawn. When men of reason go to bed."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?), American writer
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 5:
"Human life must be some form of mistake."
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), German philosopher
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 6:
"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got."
- Sophia Loren (1934-?), Italian actress
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 7:
"Many people would sooner die than think. In fact, they do so."
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), British philosopher, mathematician
Dr. Morpheus & The Little Monopoly Man, Part 8:
"Reputation is in itself only a farthing candle, of a wavering and uncertain flame, and easily blown out, but it is the light by which the world looks for and finds merit."
- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891), American poet, essayist
I Don't Do... (Opening):
"Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment."
- Rita Mae Brown (1945-?), American writer
I Don't Do... Agents:
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977), American humorist
I Don't Do... Baseball:
"Baseball is 90% mental, the other half physical."
- Yogi Berra (1925-?), American baseball player, philosopher
I Don't Do... I.Q. Tests:
"We should take care not to make the intellect our god. It has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), German physicist, philosopher
I Don't Do... Snooping:
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
- Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910), American author
Inadvertent Correctness:
"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
- Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968), American civil-rights leader, humanitarian
Merry X-Mess:
"For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a Macaulay, the figure of Juno and the hide of a rhinoceros."
- Ethel Barrymore (1879 - 1959), American actress
Blood Relations, Part 1:
"There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead."
- Arthur Honegger (1892-1955), Swiss composer
Blood Relations, Part 2:
"We've trivialized the vampire. I think it happened about the time 'Count Chocula' found its way to cereal boxes."
-F. Paul Wilson (1946-?), American author
Blood Relations, Part 3:
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that, in the process, he does not become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher
3ed Class Male, Part 1:
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hug her. Support her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Believe in her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth & back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring pizza & beer.
- popular Internet joke
3ed Class Male, Part 2:
"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
- Rodney Dangerfield (1921- ?), American comedian, actor
3ed Class Male, Part 3:
"Bachelors know more about women than married men do. If they didn't, they'd be married too."
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956), American author, critic
3ed Class Male, Part 4:
"Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, 'Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?'"
- Lewis Grizzard (1947-1994), American humorist, journalist
3ed Class Male, Part 5:
"In America, sex is an obsession. In other parts of the world, it is a fact."
- Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992), German actress
3ed Class Male, Part 6:
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ?), American satirist, author
3ed Class Male, Part 7:
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
- Steve Martin (1945 - ?), American actor, comedian, writer
3ed Class Male, Part 8:
"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."
- Mae West (1892-1980), American actress, author
3ed Class Male, Part 9:
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
- Katherine Hepburn (1909 - ?), American actress
She's Perfect For You, Part 1:
"A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce."
- Don Quinn, American writer of Fibber McGee & Molly
She's Perfect For You, Part 2:
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
- Mae West (1892-1890), American actress
She's Perfect For You, Part 3:
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
- Robert A. Heinlein (1907-?), American science fiction author
She's Perfect For You, Part 4:
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish poet, novelist
She's Perfect For You, Part 5:
"Give me chastity and continence - but not yet."
- Saint Augustine (354-430), North African theologian
She's Perfect For You, Part 6:
"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."
- John Wooden (1910-?), American basketball player, coach
She's Perfect For You, Part 7:
"Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change."
- Confucius (551?-479? B.C.), Chinese philosopher, teacher
The Bad Date, Part 1:
"That is of course the advantage of being a pessimist; a pessimist gets nothing but pleasant surprises, an optimist nothing but unpleasant."
- Rex Stout (1886 - 1975), American author of Nero Wolfe
The Bad Date, Part 2:
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork."
- Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910), American author, humorist
The Bad Date, Part 3:
"'Pon my word, Watson, you are coming along wonderfully. You have really done very well indeed. It is true that you have missed everything of importance, but you have hit upon the method."
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, (1859 - 1930), British author, spiritualist
I Don't Do Skydiving, Part 1:
"Sir, I admit to your general rule
That every poet is a fool;
But you yourself may serve to show it,
That every fool is not a poet."
- Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744), British poet, satirist
I Don't Do Skydiving, Part 1:
"A man is a beast with two heads, and only enough blood to fuel one of them."
- Robin Williams (1952 - ?), American actor, comedian